Tis the Season
by Waves Crash
Summary: Zeus decides the Olympians need to celebrate Christmas, and puts Aphrodite in charge. Total chaos ensues. There's pairings, ya'll, we don't want to waste the mistletoe ;-)
1. Sea of Stupidity

Tis the Season

The day was December the First. It was a clear, sunny day on Mount Olympus. All of the minor gods, immortalized demigods, and muses were all out enjoying the crisp, beautiful weather. But, of course, that didn't mean anything to the high and mighty gods.

"Just because saltwater can be poison in large quantities doesn't mean you have to hate!" Poseidon argued from his throne. Athena raised her eyebrows.

"Seriously? I don't hate on saltwater, I realize it's necessary, I just think that MAYBE if you did something about ocean salt levels, there wouldn't be swordfish complaining to me! Me! They know I'll actually yell at you about it!"

So it wasn't one of their witty days, big deal. The other gods sat in their thrones observing, too lazy to start their own arguments. The sea and wisdom gods continued to argue. Aphrodite started painting her nails, and Ares began sharpening a sword, glaring ruefully at Hermes, who grinned snarkily. With that one smile, violence ensued. Nobody knew quite what happened; only that Athena had sic'ed her owls on Poseidon, Ares was strangling Hermes, and Artemis and Apollo were Super Smash Brawling. Like, literally. Artemis kept hitting people in the face with her feathery Pit wings, and Apollo occasionally ate someone with his Kirby attack. The chaos steadily deteriorated, featuring Demeter throwing boxes of cereal at Hades along with Aphrodite painting Hephaestus' nails. Talk about torment. Finally, Zeus couldn't take it anymore. Eyes flashing, he bellowed,

"SILENCEEEEEE!"

Nothing occurred other than a momentary pause. Then everyone resumed their fighting/nail painting.

A vicious voice screamed for the brawling gods' attention.

"Attention you morons! I know where you live and I know where you sleep! Stop your infernal bantering or I will hunt you all down!"

You could have heard a pin drop.

All eyes were riveted towards the scowling Queen of the Gods. Hera smirked at the submissive audience and sat down primly without a word more. Zeus, red faced from his bellow of uselessness, stuttered,

"Well, uh, all right then."

Getting to business, the King of the Gods began to pontificate.

"I have decided that starting this year, we're celebrating Christmas. All this bickering, and fighting. You're very ungrateful for what you have, what you are. So you need a bit of Christmas spirit!"

Poseidon hissed to Athena, "He's gone off the deep end, hasn't he?"

Athena retorted, "Yes, right into your sea of stupidity."

Poseidon scowled.

"Starting today," Zeus continued, "We'll celebrate every day like Christmas, being jolly and festive and-"

"Ughhhhh," Ares groaned. Aphrodite glared at him from her recently renovated massage throne.

"I think it's a great idea," she gushed. "Can I make up all the committees, and decorating, and-"

"Aphrodite is in charge," Zeus stated, gratitude and relief showing on his face. Athena and Artemis huffed, and Poseidon poked Athena.

"You just got dissed."

"Shut up, Kelp Head."

Aphrodite surveyed the room as Zeus dashed away, presumably to hide from the imminent chaos. Eyes glittering maliciously, Aphrodite announced,

"Our decorating committee will be Athena, Poseidon, and myself. Music committee will be Apollo, Demeter, and Hades. Any construction will be by Hephaestus, Artemis, and Hermes. Hestia and Zeus will be the lighting department, and Hera will make sure we all get along. No limits with creativity! Disperse!"

As the gods reluctantly went off to their respective groups, Poseidon and Athena were met by the smirking Aphrodite.

"Well, my turtledoves, we have decorating to do!"


	2. What's What?

"What's that?"  
"What's what?"  
"That."  
"What's that?"  
This confusing conversation occurred between the lighting department. Zeus was pointing a poker in the direction of a strange, donkey shaped package in the middle of the room. It was squirming faintly, and Zeus didn't like it. He thought about zapping it, but Hestia raised a hand to stop him.  
"We have to go see what it is," she stated, ember eyes dancing. Zeus raised an abnormally bushy eyebrow.  
"What if it's a trap from, say, Hermes? I do not like ambushes..."  
Suddenly the shape exploded, sending three small people flying.  
"Ow!" shrieked one as she slammed into the marble floor. The other two landed easily in thrones and smirked. The two gods just stared. The three humans looked right back. After a moment, the two got off the throne and the one got off the floor, and they all charged down the corridor. The donkey package had vanished.  
"Was that real?" Zeus asked Hestia. She shrugged.  
"Probably not; staring at the fire all day tends to make you see things."

* * *

"I swear, if you go near her-"  
"Calm down!"  
Now, you would think this occurred between (in order) Demeter and Hades. But if you were to look upon the music department, you would see Hades guarding his helmet with a violent glare in his eyes.  
"Why is your helmet a girl?"  
"Because I have no other important girls in my life."  
"So my daughter isn't important? You're sad."  
"You're a witch."  
"You're a-"  
Apollo popped up in between them, cheerfully pushing them away from each other.  
"Guys please do not fight,  
We need to sing our nice songs,  
Why are we here now?"  
Both warring parties turned to Apollo, a steely death glare in their eyes. Shrinking away, a nervous smile on his lips, Apollo chuckled high pitched-ly and ran into the bowels of the Underworld.  
"He does know where that tunnel leads, right?" Demeter commented. Hades quieted an eyebrow.  
"Why do you know? You're never here."  
Demeter turned beet red and Hades gasped.  
"You didn't-STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE! IT'S MY TURN TO HAVE HER!"  
"HAVE HER?! SHE'S MY DAUGHTER! I MADE HER!"  
"STOP DETAILING!"  
"STOP BEING SUCH A-"  
Let us kindly draw a curtain over this scene.

* * *

(Thanks for bearing with me guys, I'm glad you guys like it so much :P Poseidon and Athena get their own chapter. Until next time!)


End file.
